How are you doing?

I have to tell you I spend a lot of time on Facebook.. My illness leaves me exhausted and sometimes it's the only way I get any social interaction and I maintain a connection with my best friends scattered all over through Facebook. Every so often, Facebook changes everything about their website without telling you and it annoys a lot of people, but I enjoy finding the little things. One thing that I've noticed is my "update status" text box no longer says "What's on your mind?" it asks "How are you doing?" I chuckle thinking that would make everyone's status "oh, fine" because most times when people ask you  "How are you?" they are just issuing a pleasantry and not actually interested in your well being. As I've journeyed through illness and the depression in can cause, I have a few people that will ask me this and I know they'd likely punch me if I said "oh fine" then I have a couple of doctors in my life that when they *knock knock* as they are walking in and say "How are you?" and my first reaction is to respond socially and say "I'm alright, how are you?" .....then I go into a rant about how horrible I feel.

So, how am I doing?

In a lot of ways, I'm doing okay. I generally don't like the holiday season because I don't have any contact with the majority of my family and for my sanity and my health, it's better that way. I can't say I don't miss having my own family, but I don't miss the people that were in my family... I miss having my own mom but not my mother... I know this all sounds very sad, but..... it is.

I'm struggling while I fight doctor after doctor about what's wrong with me. I KNOW there is something causing all of this fatigue and I would like to get to treating it so that I can participate in life. My joints hurt to the point that I can't walk. I fall down the stairs randomly. I can't pick up my children. My head hurts like crazy.

I want off this crazy train!